THE PLANS

its just that i wanted it posted. pakialam niyo ba? LOL

I am ambitious and I want something to be done.

I wanted to become “somebody” not someone.

2012 will be a bigger year for me. Bigger than 2011.

I will not pursue that radio drama thingy nonsense. (V^_^V)

I will not end this call center career, they have to terminate me first. and then I will enroll for a masterral degree at UP Diliman. Masters of Arts in Sociology. ad then I will be a professor, my dream at La Salle Dasma or any university.

ventilation and exasperation PART I

there has been many changes in my life. I graduated from college, passed nursing board exams, applied at a call center, had a part time job at abs cbn to name a few. I’ve been a workaholic, i would like to work harder to escape. For I am an escape artist. I dont want to stop and take a look at what reality brought me. I studied so hard for a course i would not pursue. I wasted 4 years of my life studying thick books and human anatomy to learn that i wont pursue it. For I am afraid. I am afraid of the responsibility of the profession that i am licensed. I am afraid of the task of saving lives. Because I know my capabilities. I know how careless I am, and thinking what a small ounce of extra medication can kill a person. I am not buying that and I wont do that. Even if everyone tells me that it would land me a big fortune. I dont care. Life is precious, life is priceless, life is a gift and i dont wanna ruin it just because of iresponsibility.

At the same time i am workaholic for i know that i am alone. I have precious friends before that I have cherished thru my whole college life and now they are beyond gone. I know I have said something that hurt someone I know but it is not enough for them to throw our friendship away. It sucks to learn how people think and how they can throw a friendship that started for ages  because of something odd. I am not the type of person who will say sorry for the things i did not do right. But i did, I say my sorry but it just so happen that he wont forgive me. I did my part and it ruin our friendship that was there for years. But I dont regret anything. Because as far as i know, for them to choose someone before me who is their friend ever since is day one is garbage. I am not buying those. At least I know who my true friends are. And its not them. issue closed. I have to move on and find other people who cn be true. 

I now know how hard it is be stepped on and not to be chosen. It is their decision and I respect it as much as they do not respect themselves. We have our own separate lives by the way.  We already graduated I dont need them. I need someone true.

Yeah, the fact that I need someone. It is hard to be single all of your life. There will be a point that you will be wondering what did I do wrong. Why do people/guys dont like me. Is it the way I talk? The way I move? Or the way I look. I know I am not that pretty compare to the other girls. And I am beyond average when it comes to confidence. But still I do not know why guys would not like me. I needed to talk to an expert and know how to adapt. Because it is hard to be alone. I wanted a company. I am not choosy but of course I had a preference but anyone will do. I just want to experience how it is like to have someone. How would it be like to have a boyfriend? Is it that hard? Well I guess. Because I’ve been dreaming to have someone since 1st year college and yet nobody has come and make those dreams come true. Its like my dream of driving but I cannot drive because my student’s drivers license has already been expired. I dont want to expire before I can meet him. I wanted somebody before this year end. Is that so hard to give? hay. Life. :/